Sexual Sins

As a youth in the LDS church I was taught that necking, petting, masturbation, fornication, and all manner of impure thoughts were evil; even before I knew what some of the words meant. This is a subject that was reiterated, time and time again. Our bodies are a gift and we are to keep them clean and pure, like a temple.

•Breaking of the law of chastity and others sexual sins are offenses against God and are deemed evil, (Harold B Lee) “yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost” (Alma 39:5)

•”Sexual union is lawful only in wedlock” and is to be used only for procreation. (Joseph F. Smith)

• "Married people who indulge their passions for any other purpose than to beget children, really committed adultery." (John Henry Smith)

As I read through some of these teachings that I’ve heard hundreds of times over the course of my life, I realize just how absurd they are.

There is too much emphasis placed on sexual sins. We are human beings with passions and natural curiosities and desires. We marry young for fear of ever incurring any sexual crimes. I was 19 years old. My husband was 18. Our first night together was our wedding night. We were both virgins. Not only were we inexperienced, but it was not a pleasant experience, particularly for me. I had these romantic fantasies of what a honeymoon would be like and this was far from. We are never given any opportunity to really explore and figure out if we are compatible on any sort of passionate level. Then once you are married, it is for time and all eternity regardless of whether you connect intimately or not. But then again, we are only to indulge in passions to beget children. This ludicrous idea has caused much confusion and inner turmoil for me over the years.

It’s no wonder I am filled with anger, for I have led a life of guilt- constantly ashamed of my unclean thoughts and actions; brainwashed to believe that I wasn’t supposed to be enjoying my intimate moments with my spouse. This has, in turn, been damaging to my relationship with my spouse, my marriage, and my self worth- the kind of damage that doesn’t go away over night.

I for one do not think it is the place of a church or any church leader to be counseling or judging on matters of intimacy, particularly that of a married couple. A friend of mine brought it to my attention that the church had a stand on oral sex, taught by an apostle, held to be doctrine, and that it was confirmed by a church leader. This was exceptionally bothersome to me. Then I read it for myself, “The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice.”

What happens behind closed doors between husband and wife should stay there and it is not a matter of any church.

It was such a liberating experience to shed my garments and to see my body through different eyes for the first time in my life… to feel sexy and beautiful for my husband. I have worn the religious garment for almost 18 years, both day and night. They are ugly and unflattering and I have a severely distorted body image as a result. I’m slowly beginning to work on it, but it may take years to repair and undo the damage that has been done.